What You Need To Take Kamchatka
I’ve occasionally tossed around poker metaphors when discussing politics. Well, let’s be honest, I toss around poker metaphors when discussing anything (for example, I was recently trying to explain to a group of skeptical baseball fans why baseball is just like poker: pitching a fastball is a bet, a breaking ball is a bluff, a walk is a fold). I’ve also been known to pontificate about poker as literature.
But poker as politics is a metaphor you can go a long way with, and in fact somebody has recently created an entire blog about this subject, PokerAndPolitics.com, which rightfully points out that George W. Bush must be a terrible poker player, based on the way he’s misplayed so many hands in Iraq. Dummy, you don’t go all-in with a questionable hand when you’ve got a big stack! So true, so true.
However, I’m worried that the whole poker metaphor might become commonplace, so I’d like to talk about a different game, Risk, which I played several times this summer. What do poker and Risk have in common? Well, they both teach one very, very important life skill that is essential to success in any field: restraint.
This is important, so I would like to say the word again: restraint. Without restraint, you cannot win at poker, and you cannot win at Risk. Witness: this past summer I found myself in a perfect position to take the entire continent of Africa from Southern Europe, thus wiping out my opponent Matthew and taking Matthew’s cards, which put me in great position to wipe my other two opponents Andy and Daniel out of Asia and North America and conquer the world.
Never mind the fact that Matthew is my eleven year old nephew (familial bonds and mercy towards youth have nothing to do with game-winning strategy). I needed Matthew’s cards, and that meant I needed Africa, and since I had nineteen soldiers to his eleven I had no doubt I could make this work. The game was in my hands.
First roll: Matthew wins both dice. I now have seventeen soldiers.
Second roll: Matthew wins both dice. I now have fifteen soldiers.
This is where restraint kicks in. I stood staring at the board for about five minutes, caressing the dice slowly in my hands (as Matthew squirmed and Daniel and Andy yelled at me to hurry up). I caressed and thought, caressed and thought. Then I slapped the dice down on the table, decision made: my turn was over.
I could win with nineteen against eleven. I could probably win with fifteen against eleven but I didn’t like the odds. I backed away and began thinking up a new strategy, and needless to say two hours later I took Kamchatka from Irkutsk and won the entire game.
Restraint. Such an important lesson to learn, and this is one reason it’s so important for children to play games — not just dumb games but tough games, intense games, games that it kills you to lose. You learn what it really takes to win in life. And what it takes, more often than some people think, is not a whole lot of bluster and confidence. If you’re not capable of carefully evaluating your own position, your own strengths and weaknesses, than you will play like a fool and be recognized as such by all your opponents. If you tend to “go for it” because you believe you’re invincible, your game is as good as over, before it even begins.
Restraint. This is what George W. Bush did not demonstrate when he decided to invade Iraq in 2003.
I wonder if George Bush played a lot of games when he was a kid.
I believe I could kick Bush’s ass at Risk. In fact, I believe Matthew could kick Bush’s ass at Risk. And Matthew’s just eleven, but he plays a lot of games.
October 19th, 2006 at 11:04 am
Kamchatka? Irkutsk? I’ve never played Risk, and now I know why. Are these real countries? Are they in the former USSR? And, if so, why don’t they have a “stan” at the ends of their names, like all respectable former SSR’s?
I didn’t realize you won that particular game of Risk — I think you now owe it to your readers fo ‘fess up as to how many games you lost during that “Risk-Scrabble-Categories-Survivor-Poker” week.
October 19th, 2006 at 2:11 pm
OK, but what about North Korea, China, Guatemala and Venezuela? The real Venezuela, not the fake Parker Brothers version. I think the main (obvious) differences here are a) it’s a game where you really have nothing important to gain or lose and b) there are no actual resources, political ties, or human conditions to consider. Not that those matter in the real world either. Somehow I don’t think that George Bush is the only world leader that didn’t play Risk as a kid.
I always hated playing Risk as a kid, not because I was any better or worse at it than my brother, but it sort of annoyed me that I was supposed to get worked up over something that ultimately was just a bunch of plastic nibs that ended up hurting bare feet like a bitch when you came across one dug into the carpet. But I digress. I’d be fully willing to argue that while I understand the point you’re trying to make, restraint is ultimately a lesson best learned when you have something real to lose.
October 19th, 2006 at 6:37 pm
http://www.guitaretab.com/r/rem/15918.html
C D C
Mott the Hoople and the game of Life, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andy Kaufman in the wrestling match, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Monopoly, Twenty-one, checkers, and chess, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mister Fred Blassie, and a breakfast mess, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let’s play Twister, let’s play Risk, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I’ll see you heaven if you make the list, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Am G Am G
Now Andy did you hear about this one, tell me are you locked in the punch?
Am G C D
Hey Andy are you goofing on Elvis? Hey baby, are we losing touch?
G Am C Bm G Am D
If you believed they put a man on the moon, man on the moon.
G Am C Bm Am
If you believe there’s nothing up my sleeve, then nothing is cool.
Moses went walking with the staff of wood, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Newton got beaned by the apple good, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Egypt was troubled by the horrible asp, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mister Charles Darwin had the gall to ask, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now Andy, did you hear about this one? Tell me, are you locked in the punch?
Hey Andy are you goofing on Elvis? Hey baby, are you having fun?
If you believed they put a man on the moon, man on the moon.
If you believe there’s nothing up my sleeve, then nothing is cool.
Here’s a little agit for the never believer, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Here’s a little ghost for the offering, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Here’s a truck stop instead of Saint Peter’s, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Mister Andy Kaufman’s gone wrestling, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Now Andy did you hear about this one? Tell me are you locked in the punch?
Hey Andy are you goofing on Elvis? Hey baby, are we losing touch?
If you believed they put a man on the moon, man on the moon.
If you believe there’s nothing up my sleeve, then nothing is cool.
If you believed they put a man on the moon, man on the moon.
If you believe there’s nothing up my sleeve, then nothing is cool.
If you believed they put a man on the moon, man on the moon.
If you believe there’s nothing up my sleeve, then nothing is cool.
End on Em.
October 20th, 2006 at 8:05 am
using restraint, just as using commitment and dedication… it’s all part of the risk of the game called life.
using it wisely may be the key to making sense of both winning and losing.
good post, levi.
October 21st, 2006 at 9:44 am
Thanks to all for the comments (and it’s nice to know that you all still visit the site even though I was way delinquent in posting recently. I won’t let that happen again).
Eli — I’m pretty sure that Andy won one game and Daniel won one game. Most importantly, though, I won the *last* game we played. That proves I learn my lessons and improve over time. We also cancelled one game when a gust of wind suddenly scattered all our armies. I wish that would happen on the real planet.
Caryn — yes, I see your point. I would only respond by saying that when you are playing a game for three hours or so (the usual length of a risk game) you develop a very strong commitment to winning and one could say that your pride is at stake. Pride is no small thing.
October 21st, 2006 at 12:04 pm
It’s interesting that you bring up pride in relation to an essay drawing a metaphor between a game and world politics. In personal relationships and world politics (or really anything else for that matter), it’s often the case that pursuing something so strongly in the name of pride is not a smart idea.
I hope the RIAA doesn’t come after your blog in the name of pride either — tee hee.
Eli — they are actually regions in Russia, as far as I remember, but I am not sure if they are still called that. Probably not? However, they may be good names to remember for a game of Categories!
October 21st, 2006 at 8:55 pm
PS: Pride is also the most serious of the seven deadly sins.